FREECounseling and Advice for Couples
"Husband School" and "Wife School"
We provide e-mail counseling based on the Bible and four books by Christian authors:
"His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage"
by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Author's Website
"Love Life for Every Married Couple"
by Ed Wheats, M.D. and Gloria Okes PerkinsLies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free
by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Elisabeth Elliot (Foreword)Liberated Through Submission
by P. B. Wilson and B. (Bunny) D. WilsonWe also recommend the following books by John Gray.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
Mars and Venus on a Date
Mars and Venus Starting Over
Author's Website
What is Husband School and Wife School?
You and your mate can quickly and easily begin your own self-taught classes at Husband School and Wife School. The goal is to create feelings in your mate which will cause your mate to love you. You are training yourself to make positive deposits in the "Love Bank" in your mate's heart. The results are achieved more quickly and more successfully when both of you are attending school, but success is also possible when only one person is active.
The Love Bank?
Perhaps your love bank for your mate is empty. In fact, it could be running a deficit or negative in his/her account. What is the Love Bank? It is a place in your heart where you keep an account for each individual in your life. When someone does something that pleases you, the points in your heart for that person's Love Bank account increase. When the account reaches a high level, we are "In Love" with that person. This is what happens when single people date, fall in love and marry. It can also happen in the life of a married person with someone outside of the marriage and leads to an affair.
The opposite is also true. When someone does something that displeases us, points are taken out of the Love Bank account in our hearts. A Love Bank account that was once very high can be reduced to zero where we begin to feel neutral about that person. Strangers are also in this neutral category. Unfortunately, the Love Bank can go in the negative direction which leads to a dislike for someone. When the account becomes extremely negative, we begin to hate, separate from that person and file for divorce.
A person acting on his/her own without cooperation from the mate can make the relationship greatly improve. Think about the new couple that meet and one does not even like the other. Yet, the other keeps making positive deposits in the Love Bank until the first begins to respond. Then, the positive deposits begin to flow back to the other person.
How to begin Husband School and Wife School?
1. Make a list of the things you do that your mate does not like. This requires that you observe your mate closely in speech, actions and body language.
2. Make a list of the things that your mate wants you to do that you will not do. Your reasons may seem very justified to you, but they are still making negative deposits with your mate.
3. Do NOT make a list of the things your mate does that you do not like. Your mate is to make that list.
4. Do NOT make a list of the things you like but your mate will not do. Your mate is to make that list.
5. Do NOT help each other with the lists. That is a violation of steps 3 and 4.
6. Start to do what your mate likes. This increases the deposits in your mate's Love Bank for your account. Study the items listed in step No. 2 above and begin to do the things which your mate likes from you. This is exactly what people do when they begin to date a new person and want very much to find favor with that person.
7. Stop doing the things that your mate dislikes. This also increases the Love Bank account in your favor. Again, this may be very difficult because of your own personal reasons. Study the items listed in step No. 1 above and discontinue the things which your mate does not like you to do.
8. Do NOT tell your mate what he/she should do or stop doing. This will get you kicked out of school.
9. You graduate when your mate tells you voluntarily, "I Love You."
Conflicts and problems are now resolved by first seeking a solution that is acceptable to your mate and still reasonably acceptable to you.
Resolving Sexual Conflicts?
You may be able to resolve sexual problems by visiting the following site and by reading the following books:
Bible Sex Facts, Part 3
Warning, this site is only for married persons
and those who have set the wedding date.Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
by John Gray, Ph.D.Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love
by Richard Carlson, Ph. D. and Kristine Carlson
Agape Love?
You may ask, "How can I love a person who doesn't seem to care about anything." The answer lies in the love of God, called "Agape" love. This is a supernatural love that was poured into our hearts the moment we invited Him to take control of our lives. It is the love with which we must love our spouses. It means putting the other person's wishes and desires ahead of our own. It is an unconditional love, because it loves no matter what - in spite of what the other person does or how he responds. Even though the other person may try to stop that love from coming, God's love still flows unceasingly. Don't think this is easy to do. It is very difficult, but this is the way God wants us to love.
We would like to recommend an excellent book titled "The Way of Agape - Understanding God's Love" by Nancy Missler. It should be available at any Christian bookstore, and if not, you can order it directly from their web site at:
K-House Interactive
Begin by putting your mate's "needs" ahead of your own. Try to please them in whatever you do and say. This may come as a real shock to them at first. They may not know what to think, or they may think you are up to something, but he/she will definitely see the change. It won't be easy, but this is God's way, and His way is never wrong.
Personality Tests?
You can better understand yourself and your mate by taking a personality test. A very good book is, "Please Understand Me II" by David W. Keirsey. Some people prefer the older book, "Please Understand Me" by David W. Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. We strongly recommend buying either book. You can learn about the character and temperment types of yourself, mate and children. These personality traits cannot be changed, but many people keep trying to do so. You must be the one to adjust to and understand your mate's personality temperament. The personality test can also be taken on-line at the following site:
For additional resources, go to our links page and review all of the links in the section, People Helping People, at the following web page:
Please write to us with any questions by completing the e-mail section below. We know this is a lot to digest and requires much study by both you and your mate. The first step is to apply the Husband School and Wife School techniques. Begin immediately. Talk to your mate and explain it to him/her. Ask him/her to visit and study this web page. If he/she refuses, proceed on your own. A good lesson in "School" will draw him/her out and he/she will begin to respond. Then, you can begin to discuss these things in detail at a later date.
Disclaimer: We do not propose to be professional or licensed therapists.
Prophecy Today for the Body of Christ
God's Election & Man's Free Will
Are the Sins of All Mankind Forgiven?
History of the New Testament Scriptures